Lol I got my own hospital ID bracelet again~ I collect these things like little kids used to collect pokemon cards…

Anyhow, I almost fainted in the store which was bad so I got to visit the ER! And the people there are a lot cheerier than the normal doctors so they were all “hello welcome to the hospital! *smile* *smile* “

And it was strange, usually they’re all “yo we hate you sit over there while we find the biggest needle to steal your blood with so we can send it for tests *coughcough* sell it on the street for more munny *coughcough*“ 

So that was fun. They gave me a pretty bracelet and I got to sit in the pediatric ER room and there were no children there at all so happy day :)

In other news, I only have 26 days till college. I think.

Yes’m, I just checked. 26 days and I’m free of this house. God I hope I can make it that long.

I was talking to one of my friends, and we decided we’re both going to try and quit our vices. Mine being cutting. Hers being marijuana.

I think she has the easier job :/ Seriously, she hasn’t been using it for that long. She’s not yet to the dependent stage yet, and she can do it. I know she can, she’s strong; she’s a fighter.

Even if she slips up, I know she’ll be able to get back on track. But I doubt she’ll slip up.

And I think she’s dealing with a lesser drug. Cutting releases opiates into the blood stream along with endorphins and things like that, I don’t know exactly what.

But seriously, these attempts of mine to stop cutting are rather…pitiful. They can’t even be called attempts, can they?

I realized it’s not even a compulsive behaviour anymore. I used to do it extremely compulsively, but not anymore. It’s now a complete science, it’s not in the stages of a forming addiction, it has become a complete addiction that has control.

I don’t know if I want to give up that control some days.

Other days, I can’t wait to be able to get rid of it.

But until I can say I want to give up that control for sure, I won’t be able to do it.